These words came
out of my mouth as I handed her a red rose. She is classified. She is categorized in a group of outcasts and treated as unworthy. Some would call her
a prostitute, but God calls her his daughter. I don't know what it's like to
live a life of physical imprisonment. Where my actions are dictated by a mind
that has been threatened and traumatized into a state of being. I don't know
what it's like to be trafficked. But I do know that this should not be
happening. I know that the gift of life is precious. I know that God created us
all equally in his image to live out of love and not lust. And I learned on
Valentine's Day that a simple gesture can bring light to the darkness.
Have you ever thought to hand a
rose to a stranger? It doesn't seem like it would be a big deal. Or at least to
me, I never thought of the impact a flower could have on someone. But once I stepped into the uncomfortable, my view changed.
On Valentine's Day, I, along with
several other people from MATTOO (http://mattoo.org/)
went to a place called Guadalhorce, Spain.Our main goal was to hand out roses to women who had been
caught in trafficking. That was it. And if there was a chance, tell them that
God loves them and he sees them in their darkest hour.
For me, I was a bit shell shocked
driving around what seemed to be abandoned factory buildings...and then getting a
glimpse of a woman standing alone in the shadows. I know some of you may have
never experienced the feeling of oppression lingering in the air. Where darkness in
the atmosphere manifests into physical disgust and heartache. My heart was
pierced as I caught sight of the steady traffic flow of men picking up women to
fulfill a lustful desire that can only be temporarily satisfied. This shouldn't
be happening I thought to myself again. It's sickening to me to know that in
modern day, slavery still occurs. Yet a lot of the times, I find myself
ignoring the issue.
So, as we gathered together, getting
ready to split up into smaller groups, our leader, Steph read this passage
from Hosea 2:14-15:
"And now, here's
what I'm going to do:
I'm going to start all
over again.
I'm taking her back
out into the wilderness
where we had our first
date, and I'll court her.
I'll give her bouquets
of roses.
I'll turn Heartbreak
Valley into Acres of Hope.
She'll respond like
she did as a young girl,
those
days when she was fresh out of Egypt."
This is a promise of God: a true act of love. He turns Heartbreak
Valley into Acres of Hope.
I was
able to see what it really looks like to show love on Valentine's Day. I saw
firsthand a love stronger than any other: a love that conquers the heartbreak
and shame of prostitution. I saw eyes fill with hope as soon as they discovered
our intent of speaking with them. We didn't want to use them. We had no
preconceived notions. We had no conditions on our love for them. We were just
messengers of hope. It was one of the times in my life where I was reminded
that I am part of something bigger in this world. I was part of telling these
women about a love that can break years of condemnation and self-pity. Where
the unworthy become precious commodities. Where shame and past hurts are washed
clean.
The battle is that in order to combat human trafficking, humanity, as a whole has to untangle a web of exploitation. Mindsets and beliefs have to change in the hearts of many. But even the simplest acts can plant seeds of change. I know this battle may seem lost to some, but every rose I gave was not futile. For me, I saw the rose as a fruit. It was planted in the hearts of women, where things were devastated long ago. And fruit borne from dust has already overcome death.
I'm not saying I saw instant transformation. I don't think it happens
like that. But I did see grateful hearts as they received the roses. I saw
change happen in women's eyes. We were able to give them something beautiful.
So whatever that looks like in your life, I pray you "hand a rose" to someone
today. Bring beauty to a dark place. Make yourself aware and then act on it.
Bring change. Whether it is a simple gesture of buying a stranger coffee or opening a
door for someone. Those little things bring beauty and order to this chaotic
world.
It's amazing to me how a few words
can implant a great desire, which in turn then become a reality. That's how I
got here: to Spain, to the G42 leadership academy. Before I came to G42 I had
no clue what to do with my life after the world race. I heard a bit about this
school, but wasn't sure what it was all about. I thought to myself, that I
needed to get a job and enter the "real world". I thought that I shouldn't
leave the country again just to learn
more...and that it was time to grow up. But G42 kept coming back to me. It was
the only thing that seemed exciting to me. It held an air of mystery and
discovery about it that I wanted to be a part of. The mere mention of the
school was implanted in my mind and then became a great desire of mine to
attend. So I applied and I am here. It became my reality.
I am still in hot pursuit of what
it tangibly looks like to live out who God made me to be. G42 has challenged me
to really think about my gifts and dreams for the world. It's a big task. In
the past month, I have had a bit more clarity. My desire centers around 4
words: Hope for the Hopeless. These
words have been rooted in my mind and I plan to make them a reality. Whatever
it looks like to bring hope to the hopeless, I want to invest my efforts.
And I am okay with not knowing the
full plan for my life. Hence, I am embracing uncertainty. That is one thing
that is stressed at G42. It is okay to embrace uncertainty; life is not just
black and white. It's abstract. God uses uncertainty as long as we are willing
to obey. Abraham did not know where he was going, but he went. And God used him
mightily. At times I feel as though I am chasing after an undefined dream. It's
a work in progress. I still struggle with not knowing, but I'm trying to learn
to trust. This is something I wrote to remember that God's promises are greater
than the world's lies.
When the
pressure is crippling, your voice is enough to bring peace. It's not an easy
journey. You told me so. Refined through the fire, my impurities melt away.
What's leftover is more beautiful than what man can grasp. You say from the
lips of infants you ordain praise. The detail of your love mends broken hearts
to reveal the wonder of your ways. Most times, my words cannot express the
magnitude of your great mercy and trust. So with a sigh of awe I worship and
dwell on the fact that you catch my tears. You take my ashes and turn them into
something beautiful. In the fiber of my being, I feel your presence. You speak
to teach me what it means to pray without ceasing. And though it's not perfect,
you yearn after my heart. When the storm comes, you say come to me; I will
restore your soul.
During worship on Sunday, a lightning bolt struck me. Or so
it seemed...In my mind I thought I was present, but I caught myself wandering in
my thoughts to what I would be doing later in the day. I began to plan out my
afternoon to spend time with God. Now if that's not ironic, I don't know what
is. Known as a "thinker" in that oh-so-wonderful Meyers Briggs test, I
tend to overanalyze quite a bit...even during worship. But this time I realized that the notion of planning to spend time with God during the exact moment I was
supposed to be spending time with God was contradictory. And I find myself doing this quite a bit. Wasn't I already
supposed to be spending time with God? Isn't God with me every hour of every
day? And giving a few hours to God should not even really be mine to give in
the first place. I need to be more aware of the consistency of God. He not only
meets me in worship. He meets me as I lay down to sleep, as I brush my teeth,
and as I interact with my environment. He is everywhere. The creativity, the
humanity, the beauty, and the images of the world are all gifts from the
creator. Sometimes I easily fall into worship of creation, and not the Creator.
Do you ever find yourself in similar circumstances?
You were born to be loved. God wants to love you. Are you letting him?
"Worship is when you're aware that what you've been given is
far greater than what you can give."- Max Lucado
I am turning 25 tomorrow and I can't stop thinking that I
have been given way more than I could ever give in return. That in 25 years God
has allowed me to see and be a part of so many diverse cultures. I've been
allowed to see suffering, but also see healing and joy. I think I'm at that
middle stage in life where I feel pretty young still, but old at times. It's
weird. But I like weird.
And I know that I am continually going to be in a state
where I could never give more than what I've been given. Thank God for grace.
In these 3 months of being home after the World Race, I've
heard the phrase "just move" or some variation of the word "momentum" quite a
few times. I feel as though I have done a good job of mentally moving towards
God in my own solitude. I've had a ton
of rest and a good amount of time to process the last year of my life. And now I
feel God leading me to move physically.
I have a great opportunity to attend G42 (http://www.g42leadershipacademy.org/)
this January for a term of 6 months. G42 is a leadership academy in Spain
designed to mentor people in pursuing their dreams and delving into an even
deeper relationship with Christ. The academy is an intimate setting that allows
for in-depth teachings and personal attention to the students. And by the end of the 6 months, they equip
people to be sent out into ministry.
In order to attend however, I need to raise support of
$6,000 + airfare. Basically, I need your help. The only thing I want for my
birthday is your consideration of partnering with me to attend this academy.
So, would you consider giving one of the following? I need...
I never knew I had options. My mentality after finishing the World Race about a month and a half ago, was "nothing in life could ever be better than traveling the world for 11 months and serving the needy". I thought I would come home and get a real/grown-up job. Because that's what I am supposed to do, right? I've heard time and time again that now is the time to travel and have fun, before life gets boring or I get tied down. But now I realize that life doesn't have to be boring. I've been broken for the world. My heart was ruptured when I talked to Manit, a 20 year old recovering drug addict in Cambodia (month 4) who dreamed of becoming a chef, but who was stuck in a life where he could not pursue his dream. And I believe I met Manit for a reason. Leaving the U.S. created a spark in me. I have freedom to pursue a dream. I not only traveled the world, I experienced life with people of the world. Coming home I yearned for more. I missed the world. But I found myself creating a daily routine which involved my daily dose of catching up on shows I've missed throughout the year, like Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy. Really?...I knew reverse culture shock would be hard but I didn't know I would turn into a couch potato.
And then a light bulb hit me in the form of Searchlight via Kingdom Dreams (http://kingdom-dreams.com/). It's a week long workshop designed specifically for post-world racers who want to transform brokenness into movement for God's kingdom. Being here for a week helped me process the last year of my life and opened doors to opportunity. There are so many avenues to serve after the race, it's just a matter of being aware of the need. Ultimately, I want to pour out the love of God into the people of the world.
And searchlight made me aware of more opportunities where I could do just that. I'm in the midst of praying about serving in Mexico or Spain. So if you are lost, or sinking into that couch and want more, then check out kingdom dreams. I now have options.
So I know it's been
awhile since I've updated you all on my life. It's been about 3 1/2 weeks since
I've been home now from the World Race. And at times it's very hard to believe
that I'm home. It's hard to believe that the past 11 months of my life really
did happen...all the long bus rides, all of the sweat, all the tears, all the
cultures we encountered and all the ways we served as a community together. I'm
still trying to process a lot of things here out in the middle of nowhere in my
California bungalow... (My parents moved to this tiny town called Willows where
the entertainment is to go to Wal-Mart). SO it's the exact opposite of the
world race lifestyle. Instead of sleeping 2 to a twin bed, I get a giant queen
sized bed with my own room. Instead of sleeping in my own puddle of sweat in
what looks like a papier mache barn, I actually am using a down comforter in
the middle of 100 degree weather because of AC. And I have all the milk and
cheese I could ever want. It's strange. It's strange that I have options again.
The comfortable to me is very uncomfortable. I'm not saying I hate it...I just
miss the adventure of living life outside of it.
What
overwhelms me still, and it will probably overwhelm me for years to come is
that I was able to literally travel around the entire world--That God chose me
to share his love with the nations. And what's cool about it is that I just
said yes. Despite the unknowns and fears of leaving behind comfort, all it took
was a yes. That's all God requires of us...to follow his leading. It's a trip
that seriously breaks your heart for what breaks His. Isn't that what we were
created for? To follow God's heart and try to share the hope we have found with
the people around us.
Living away from a busy
city, I feel somewhat like a hermit. It's given me a lot of time to think and
be still before God. I have to let him be the one who leads me daily, because I
would lose it otherwise. It's hard to explain. I was given the privilege to
walk in the shoes of 11 different cultures-to experience life the way they do;
to eat, sleep, and work as they do and to see the way other cultures know God. Even
though God is unchanging, he is also unique. And in creating cultures, it opens
up new aspects of God. I think the way Americans are dependent on God is
totally different than 3rd world nations are dependent on God. It's not bad
that we are different; it's just eye-opening. Seeing other cultures
worship in dance and pray with fervor for healing is atypical of most American
churches. There's a lot more structure here. I think the visible need for God
in those other countries creates a natural hunger for Him that we have to fight
for in the states. But I know it's worth the fight.
So for now I'm just waiting (which the race also teaches
you very well). I'm waiting to see what's next and trusting that God will show
up.
"There is no fear in love. But
perfect love drives out fear..." 1 John 4:18
I have a fear of mice. A medical
term for it is Musophobia.
It's strange to me because when I was a small child I used to be able to hold
mice and not be afraid. Then with age my fear increased. There is no
explanation for it, but at the mere site of even a mouse on TV or an animated
mouse, I get anxiety. I laugh at myself because it sounds ridiculous that at
the age of 24 I should be scared of a mouse. I can't even watch Ratatouille
without disgust. But I can't help it.
Phobias
are strange. Did you know
that there is such a thing as philophobia? -- The fear of love.
A phobia is technically described as a persistent, irrational fear of a specific object, activity,or situationthatleadstoacompellingdesire to avoidit. And I think as absurd as
this sounds to me, it simultaneously makes sense. People are afraid to love
because people are afraid of getting hurt. The idea of inconsequential love is
sometimes hard to believe from human perspective. Because from human
perspective, love brings hurt; it's risky. We make mistakes. But God doesn't.
His perfect love casts out fear. The worst aspect of fearing love is that it
keeps a person in solitude. And solitude is the exact opposite of human nature.
Just as people have unexplainable fears, I think fear also stems from
ignorance. Ignorance can be similar to fear in that they both focus on the
unknown. Sometimes it's difficult to comprehend the fullness of love because we
don't understand grace; we're ignorant of it. Ignorance and fear are two
primary methods Satan uses to keep people from understanding God's love. Regardless
of fear or ignorance, we were made to love because he first loved us. God
created us specifically to love and be loved by him.
This
past Tuesday I helped lead a discussion with a small group of gypsy women about
God's love. We talked about what God really means when he tells us he loves us.
And there was a lot of confusion. Some women were confused about the idea that
God loves us regardless of the works we commit. That it doesn't matter what we
do because we could never do enough to earn God's love. In Romans it says, "For
all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by
his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." Most of these women come from very dark
backgrounds where love equates to sex. It's the only form of love some of them
have ever experienced. So to them a God that loves beyond the physical doesn't
make sense. But it was amazing to see them explore the idea that God created
them out of love. And that whatever they do could not make him love them less. The world is not moved by love or actions that
are of human creation. God created love. God is love.
I'm
still learning and always will be. But
the more I trust in his love, the more I learn about different aspects of love;
and how to love people better. So I urge you to seek after the fullness of
God's love today. --To seek after him amidst fear and pray for understanding.
"Pray at the
level of insecurity and fear. Begin with your greatest anxiety because fears
parallel your deepest desires. We are to pray until the peace comes.
Circumstances which you have no control over should not control your character.
Your character is the result of what God's done in you. Capture the emotion
associated with God's grace and mercy in your life."-Andy Stanley on Philippians 4:4-9
I'm hopeful.
Being on the world race has taught me one thing. And that is how to be
okay with not knowing what's to come. How to remain constant in an ever
changing environment. Constant in the hope I have. This hope that can never
disappoint or lead me astray. Going into month 11 on the world race creates an
inevitable thought process at times. Thoughts of life back home and thoughts of
life in the future. What next? How can my life still be adventure filled and
amazing after traveling the world for nearly a year? Was this my peak? It's
easy to get caught up in negativity. It's easy to let negativity consume and
push hope out the window.
But I've
learned that it is crucial to cling to God's promises; especially during major
life transitions. To me, HOPE= SECURITY. Security in the idea that I won't be
left hanging in life outside of the world race. Secure that God has not brought
me this far to stop providing and leading. In Hebrews it says, "We have this
hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure." And it's so exact. God has
promised us hope to firmly plant us in this world. The only thing he asks of us
is for our faith. To trust that he will not go back on his word. To trust that
we will be okay. Regardless of pain. Because when pain hits us it's hard to see
through it. Pain lingers. And it becomes even harder to remember God's
goodness. When trials come, the primary challenge is to choose joy in the midst
of pain. Joy that couples with peace to go beyond anything we could ever
fathom. There is still restoration. God is still a rebuilder of ancient ruins
and of things long devastated. He wants to mend; to heal. God is still enough
for me and still enough for you. And I know as much as it hurts to endure
through pain, I wouldn't need God if I didn't experience pain.
Secure in his
grasp
God is strong and can help you not fall. Jude 24
"You and I are on a great climb. The
wall is high, and the stakes are higher. You took your first step the day you
confessed Christ as the Son of God. He gave you his harness-the Holy Spirit. IN
your hands he placed a rope-his WORD.
Your first steps were confident
and strong, but with the journey came weariness, and with the height came fear.
You lost your footing. You lost your focus. You lost your grip, and you fell.
For a moment, which seemed like forever, you tumbled wildly. Out of control.
Out of self-control. Disoriented. Dislodged. Falling.
But then the rope tightened, and
the tumble ceased. You hung in the harness and found it to be strong. You
grasped the rope and found it to be true. And though you can't see your guide,
you know him. You know he is strong. You know he is able to keep you from
falling."
(Max Lucado) Grace for the Moment.
"I will praise the
Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord
always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body will also rest
secure, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your
Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill
me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand."Psalm
16
